So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
