I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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