you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We need to get me chipped asap
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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