Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I will be naked everywhere
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Two words: blizzard sex
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
