I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
