Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Randomize
