you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
