What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
