Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
