My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Randomize
