if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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