so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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