My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
