In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
