I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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