uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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