just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
jump out the window naked night went bad
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
