i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
