he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
