your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Your cock deserves a montage
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
