She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I forgot wine drunk hurts
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
