Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
