I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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