I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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