Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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