im drinking this country out of the recession.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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