I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
You are the jesus of drinking
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
