You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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