apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
