Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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