I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
