the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
