I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
