He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
