you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
