He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I came so hard my ears popped.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
