note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
