she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
