i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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