never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
