I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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