I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
