Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
