The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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