He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
