google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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