Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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