the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
