I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
