Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
