So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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